Telling a Child What To Do

These things are things I am learning as a student teacher working with children ages 3-13. They are in no particular order.

Thing I Learned #1: Always be prepared to explain 'why' a child cannot do something.

When I first began working with children, I was taught what was/is expected of children at school and what they can and cannot do. I don't know why I assumed that once you asked a child to stop their behavior, whatever it was, that they would stop and listen to you without questioning. Boy was I wrong! Almost all kids, especially the little ones, expect an explanation as to why they cannot do the thing you told them not to do.

Examples:

"Alex, don't stand on that bar." "Why?"
"Monique, honey, please tie your shoes." "Why?"
"Layla, don't hit Jacob." "Why?"

You get the point. Therefore I learned that you have to change the wording in your request to include an explanation:

"Alex, please don't stand on that bar because it is not safe and you can fall."
"Monique, please tie your shoes, because someone can step on your shoelaces and you can trip and fall."
"Layla, don't hit Jacob, that hurts him."

This then leads to

Thing #2 I Learned: Use positive language when requesting something from a child.

When you use positive language when speaking to a child, they are more willing to comply to what you are asking.

For example, Layla is hitting Jacob and Jacob is complaining:
"Layla, it is not ok to hit our friends. Jacob really doesn't like that and it would make him very happy if you would keep your hands on your body." OR "Layla, please be safe and keep your hands on your own body."
Something along those lines. Of course if the victim child is in danger of being seriously hurt, it might be best to physically remove the child who is hitting and then explain why she was removed.

Examples of Better Ways of Talking To Children:

SAY:                                                                                             RATHER THAN:
Sit down when you slide.                                                                Don't stand up when you slide.
Remember that the sand has to stay on the ground.                         Don't throw the sand.
Be safe and sit on the swing.                                                          No standing on the swing!
Talk in a quiet voice or use an inside voice.                                     Don't shout.
Be sure the ladder is safe.                                                              Be careful, you might fall.
What are you supposed to do when you need help?                       Go sit down and raise your hand.
Class, please keep the noise level down.                                        It is too loud in here!
Sit on your bottom.                                                                       Stop rocking the chair.
Use your walking feet.                                                                   No running!
Drink your milk.                                                                            Do you want your milk?

DO:

• Speak in a calm, kind voice.
• Speak directly to the child; do not call to him across the playground or class
• Speak in short, meaningful sentences which the child can understand. 
• Be sure the child understands what you want him/her to do.
• Try to express your request in a positive way.
• Tell a child what you want him/her to do instead of what not to do.
• Get down to the child's physical level if possible. This means, stoop or sit on a low chair so that he can see your face.
• Encourage children to solve their own problems.
• Praise the behavior you want continued. "I like the way you are sharing your crayons!You're such a great friend."
• Allow the child enough time to complete your request. 
• Give the child a choice only when you intend to leave the choice up to him.
• Avoid using methods that cause the child to feel ashamed. 
• Do not label any behavior as 'bad', 'naughty' etc.
• Avoid making comparisons between children.

Take one day at a time! 
ely <3